IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The major
parents
Use synonyms
 in
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world wish all excellent things and high
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 and try to explain that the value could be reached only by hard manner of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
behaviour. There are pros and cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement and I am going to discuss them in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the main positive moment to be hard in
achievement
Replace the word
achieving
show examples
 anything is the development of resistance to numerous difficulties from a young age. To give a good example, I would remember my colleague who decided to leave the high office position and open his own company (his dream from childhood) because he believed that his
parents
Use synonyms
 grew
Correct your spelling
him
show examples
hm
Correct your spelling
him
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the belief that he can pass all problems.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in my view of the
point
Add a comma
,point
show examples
 everyone should understand his or her opportunity for own actions which is possible if the only person has a strong opinion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 could be hard in a boring subject under
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 pressure. Often
parents
Use synonyms
 would like to realize their own dreams from childhood through their children.
For instance
Linking Words
, the son of my friend dreams to be
sportsman
Correct article usage
a sportsman
show examples
 but his family try to improve his mathematics knowledge against his choice. ,
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 boy suffers because cannot have sport enough and at the same time should be good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the unloved subject.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many sectors where people can be successful not only according to hard-working but with nature skills. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that there are a lot of negative moments in hard following to some wrong thoughts which could break
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 mental health. I believe that advantages overweigh disadvantages and help us to achieve our ideas when we are enough hard.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • work ethic
  • resilience
  • self-confidence
  • self-worth
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • frustration
  • self-esteem
  • pressure
  • anxiety
  • individual effort
  • collaboration
  • social support
  • systemic factors
  • talent
  • opportunity
  • luck
What to do next:
Look at other essays: