Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is an ongoing debate about which one has a more important role in teaching
children
about having a healthy Use synonyms
diet
, School or Use synonyms
parents
? Use synonyms
While
some people contend that Linking Words
children
should be encouraged to have a healthy Use synonyms
diet
through school lessons, I believe that Use synonyms
parents
play a more crucial role in Use synonyms
this
matter and I will elaborate on my opinion.
On the one hand, some individuals state that the education system, including schools, could affect Linking Words
children
's Use synonyms
food
habits more significantly and guide them to have a healthier Use synonyms
diet
and lifestyle. They believe schools can present some Use synonyms
food
-related subjects in classes and aware students of the drawbacks of overeating fast Use synonyms
food
and less calorie-meal. Use synonyms
For example
, teachers can provide some beneficial information about the disadvantages of eating hamburgers more than once a month. Linking Words
Furthermore
, they should talk about how good the high-calorie and hygienic foods are to encourage them to change their direction in eating.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
, I believe that Linking Words
parents
' words have a greater impact on Use synonyms
children
than teachers. The first reason is Use synonyms
children
spend about 70% of their week at home alongside their Use synonyms
parents
, so it is obvious that Use synonyms
children
have more interaction with Use synonyms
parents
in a week. Use synonyms
Moreover
, owing to the fact that Linking Words
children
eat most of their meals at home, not school or anywhere. Use synonyms
Thus
Linking Words
children
's eating habits can be Use synonyms
impressed
effectively and simply in a short time by cooking healthier Verb problem
improved
food
. The second reason relates to the child's financial dependence on the family. Use synonyms
Due to
the Linking Words
parents
' financial role in Use synonyms
children
's lives, Use synonyms
parents
are able to control the amount of eating outdoor Use synonyms
food
by managing the proportion of money they give to Use synonyms
children
every week. Use synonyms
Parents
can set limits on Use synonyms
children
's spending on fried chicken, Use synonyms
for instance
, and encourage them to save money Linking Words
instead
. Linking Words
This
strict method could lead to less expenditure on fast Linking Words
food
and make Use synonyms
children
thoughtful about the importance of both money and Use synonyms
food
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
some believe that the education system has more crucial obligations regarding Linking Words
children
's Use synonyms
diet
, I think that Use synonyms
due to
the amount of time Linking Words
children
spend with their Use synonyms
parents
and their financial dependence Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
parents
, Use synonyms
parents
could encourage them to have healthier diets easier.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition signals and avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating 'the first reason is,' try using 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph stays focused on a single idea. The second paragraph covers both school education and fast food drawbacks. Consider splitting it into two smaller paragraphs for clarity.
task achievement
The essay already does well in providing specific examples, but more variety might enrich the essay further. Maybe add an example of a successful healthy eating program in schools or a family-oriented meal plan that worked.
task achievement
To reach an even higher task response, consider integrating counter-arguments and refuting them concisely, showing awareness of opposing views while strengthening your stance.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and states your opinion effectively, setting a nice tone for the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion serves as a solid summary of your arguments and effectively restates your main opinion.
examples
You have provided specific examples and reasons to back your opinion about why parents have a more significant impact.
structure
Logical structure is generally clear, with a balanced discussion of both views followed by your opinion and supporting arguments.