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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
There might be contentious debates regarding the issue of whether it is okay for some
children
 to spend hours on their
smartphones
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. The opponent might disagree with my stand.
However
, I strongly believe that spending more
time
 with
Add an article
a smart
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 will affect negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
’s development.
Smartphones
 have been rapidly developed and they
finally
 contain lots of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to do with. When it comes to
children
, they can search on the internet, play various games, watch
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
videos, and chat with other people. Sometimes it might be more comfortable to be alone and do
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 in leisure
time
 rather than going outside or doing activities.
Therefore
 some
children
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to spend more
time
 on their
smartphones
.
However
, there are some concerns about
this
 phenomenon.
Firstly
,
smartphones
 can disturb
children
 to form social relationships. It is really important for
children
 to spend
time
 with their friends and make
Add an article
a relationship
the relationship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with others. Because some previous memories with their close people in childhood have an impact on their early development. As for me, I regret the days that I only focus on
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 so I have
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 memories
during
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of
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 the family trip
on
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to
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busan
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Busan
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when I was 12 years old.
Moreover
, focusing
smartphones
Change preposition
on smartphones
show examples
 for a long
time
 will make
children
 less healthy.
Although
 young
children
is
Change the verb form
are
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 enough, using electronic devices like
smartphones
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 makes the eyes feel tired.
In addition
 to
this
,
children
 are more likely to be addicted to
smartphones
, as
smartphones
 have lots of exciting applications
such
 as YouTube, SNS, and OTT programs.
Thus
 spending every day in their house using
smartphones
 will make them lazy and unable to do other tasks. To sum up, I argue that even though
smartphones
 have many convenient and entertaining things,
smartphones
 will have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 influence on
children
.
Submitted by michaelfree63 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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