IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don’t really need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #don’t #advertisements #products #lives
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I agree with the
first
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 one. At least based on my experience, most of the time advertising makes us buy stuff we want and do not really need. There are several reasons why I agree with
this
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 statement.
First
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, it has been human nature since day one that we have tertiary needs that we have to
fulfil
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. When we talk about tertiary needs, it's always something we want, not something we need. With common sense, humans know that they have to
fulfil
Use synonyms
 their basic before they buy something they want. But,
in
Change preposition
on
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 many occasions, humans follow their tertiary needs
first
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 before they
fulfil
Use synonyms
 their basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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. It happens because we often go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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shopping malls, we see the big red sale logo on the shop windows and
then
Linking Words
 we can manage to not go inside the store. After we go inside the store, we see a lot of magic stuff and
then
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 we will make a purchase.
Second
Linking Words
, it is because of the store that has cleverly set up a trap for making us make a purchase. Like they make an advertisement about bundling, give tons of freebies, a lot of discounts, and so forth. It makes us think that we can't lose the opportunity so we have to make a deal right now that time just so we can get the promo. That makes us buy things we don't exactly need.
On the other hand
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, it's so rare that advertisements that tell us about products that might improve our lives
has
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have
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 a place in making us buy things. Because
actually
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,actually
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 we don't quite believe in that kind of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
. In conclusion, advertising does lots of ways in making us realize the presence of the product in our lives, gives promo and makes us
fulfil
Use synonyms
 tertiary needs before the basic needs
Submitted by matlbert20 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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