IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences #argument
Techniques becoming more popular for working and more used in knowledge, a great number of people think it is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 for us, but others believe that it is
Add an article
a disadvantage
show examples
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
 for us. I agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because computers and
telephones
Add a verb
aretelephones
weretelephones
show examples
 more useful for a
lot
 of things.
This
 essay will discuss two sides and explain why I agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 opinion.
To begin
 with, nowadays a
lot
 of
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
 can work thanks to
evolution
Add an article
the evolution
show examples
 of humans
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
, on the computers we use
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to get information from on the internet.
However
, people use
not
Correct pronoun usage
it not
show examples
 just for entertainment or searching
any
Change preposition
for any
show examples
 information, they use
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for programming
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools, colleagues and universities. Thanks to
this
 opportunity plenty of
students
 can learn
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
programming
Change the verb form
program
show examples
, and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get more information about technologies.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
illustration
Replace the word
illustrate
show examples
, graduates who want will be
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
show examples
, should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
learn with
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
the laptop
show examples
 and doing
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 future. Today a
lot
 of
students
 have
building
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 a good career
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology.
On the other hand
, others say it is unnecessary for education. A large of
students
 can be distracted while sitting at the computer and playing games or watching movies during the lessons.
However
, it depends personally and how they usually study
this
subject
.
In addition
, it can be bad for
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 health.
For example
, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 works a
lot
 of hours on the computer, it is bad for the eyes, because
loss
Change preposition
of loss
show examples
 of good vision due to the monitor. As for
students
, teachers can perceive not sure, because plenty of
students
 don’t make homework for
this
subject
. To sum up,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think in the future people change
system
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
 schedule of informatics
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. For
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 reason
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a great deal of
students
 doesn’t want to study
this
subject
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: