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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people thing online shopping is better, while others prefer going to the shops. discuss both these view and give your own opinion

#people #shops
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In modern days, some
people
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 believe that when they
use
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 internet shopping malls, which has a positive effect on them than buying items to go to offline shops,
whereas
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 others disagree with
this
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 perspective. I will discuss both views and I endorse the statement of a former idea owing to a number of reasons that will contend in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
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 think that it has some disadvantages when they
use
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 online shopping through their smartphones and laptops at home.
For instance
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, users of online shops can make some mistakes
such
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 as
they buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
big and small sizes or different colour goods from time to time, unlike going to street markets that can wear the clothes there.
Thus
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, it is hugely troublesome and complicated to do
this
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 process of refund.
In addition
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, they can access easily miscellaneous online websites,
as a result
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, it can lead to becoming to be those who are shopaholics if they buy something too much.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, it can bring some felicity into our lives in modern society. There is various type of online shopping malls on the Internet that
people
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 can
use
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 regardless of time and space
although
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 they live hectic life because of
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 and studying.
Moreover
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, if
people
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 operate online malls, they can save tremendous money because they do not hire a part-time clerk even if it runs day and night.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 can feel it is very convenient to deliver service, especially those who suffer from physical,and senior citizens if they learn how to
use
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 them.
To sum up
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, it is undeniable that it has some demerits to the public with the technological advances, but others can
use
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 these kinds of diverse shopping sites on the Internet since it gives numerous advantages to both our society and individuals.
Submitted by komi4144 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion on online shopping vs. in-store shopping. However, the arguments presented are not fully developed and lack depth. It is important to provide more detailed reasoning and examples to support the viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas in the essay, but the organization could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the supporting details are well connected to the main idea. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need to be strengthened to provide a more effective framework for the essay.
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