IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centres. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the planning of new towns, the allocation of space between recreational amenities and commercial outlets often sparks debate.
While
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 I acknowledge the economic benefits of shopping
centres
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, I strongly agree that public
parks
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 and
sports
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 facilities should take precedence
due to
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 their profound impact on public health, social cohesion, and long-term urban sustainability.
Firstly
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,
parks
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 and
sports
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 grounds directly promote physical and mental well-being. In an era of sedentary lifestyles and rising obesity, easily accessible green spaces encourage outdoor exercise, walking, and team
sports
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.
For instance
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, studies show that residents living near
parks
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 have lower stress levels and higher life satisfaction.
In contrast
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, shopping
centres
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 primarily encourage consumption, not active living.
Secondly
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,
parks
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 bring people together. They are free and open spaces where neighbours can meet, relax, and socialise.
This
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 creates a sense of community.
In contrast
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, shopping
centres
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 are often crowded, noisy, and focused on buying things. Not everyone can afford to shop regularly, so these places may exclude some people. Admittedly, shopping
centres
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 are useful. They provide jobs and a place to buy daily needs.
However
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, one or two small shopping areas are enough for a new town.
Parks
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 and
sports
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 fields cannot be replaced by shops, and once land is used for buildings, it is hard to turn it back into green space. In conclusion, I believe public
parks
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 and
sports
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 facilities should be prioritised in new town planning. They improve both physical health and social life, making towns happier and healthier places to live. Shopping
centres
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 are necessary
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 should not take priority over green spaces.

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task response
Add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain a little more why shops are less important in new towns.
coherence and cohesion
Use one more link word between ideas, like 'also' or 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body paragraph a bit longer with one extra support point.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong opinion.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea and good order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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