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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the while family (grandparents, uncles and aunt) bringing up children is better than only parents. What is your opinion?

#people #grandparents #uncles #aunt #children #parents
The majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society considers that all family
members
, grandparents, uncles and aunts are responsible for the formation of children's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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. I strongly agree with the idea that other family
members
 should support the parents with
this
 part of life.
This
 essay will support my arguments in detail with relevant examples. It is true that raising offspring is not an easy task and only parents can handle
such
 a difficult task.
Nevertheless
, father and mothers always
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to prefer bringing up
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 son alone.
For example
, mothers in foreign countries do not allow their daughters to visit their cousins until they reach a certain age. Because they think that it will affect them externally and they need to become good citizens tomorrow.
On the contrary
, others do not agree with
this
, in their opinion, all dynasty
members
 play an important role in the child's growth.
In addition
, young
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
genarations
Correct your spelling
generations
 can tell their grandmother or aunt what they could not tell their parents.
For example
, nowadays both father and mother are busy with office work and pay less attention to the kid.
As a result
, they start to feel alone. In
such
 situations, other dynasty
members
 take care of them.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the relationship will get stronger as well. In conclusion, I think both parties are responsible for educating the younger. Because
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 precious
hence
, I would like to suggest
to bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 up a child with their blood rapports as he will turn into a good citizen of tomorrow.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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