IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

#people #thirties #children #development
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In
this
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 contemporary era, most
people
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 believe that they should wait until their
thirties
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 to get married and have a
child
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. I think these phenomena have several positives. I will explain it in
this
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 essay. The first advantage of
this
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 is to have a mature relationship with their partner. Explain it
further
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, a person who is in his
thirties
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 has good experience of relationships as he met a lot of
people
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 in his previous life.
Furthermore
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, he or she has a stable job, and
this
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 type of person is financially stronger than younger
people
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.
For example
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, the article from a famous newspaper the
times
Capitalize word
Times
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 of Hindustan
relive
Correct subject-verb agreement
relives
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 that couples who are married in
Use synonyms
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
show examples
 have stronger relationships than younger ones. The reason behind it is good financial condition and understanding between them.
Thus
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, it is a positive development.
Moreover
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,
thirties
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patents
Correct your spelling
parents
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 can take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
child
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 easily. To explain it
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furthermore
Rephrase
further
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, most
people
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 who are in their
thirties
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 have good financial conditions.
In addition
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, they can easily take children spending and take care of their children more, because they are more experienced and understanding.
For instance
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. Research by the University of California in 2021
relived
Verb problem
revealed that
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 parents who are in their twenties face more challenges than
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
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 parents. As they are not strong financially and have
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 understanding.
Thus
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, having a
child
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 in their
thirties
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 is a positive development. In conclusion, marriage and children in their
thirties
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 have many positive
such
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 as
mature
Correct article usage
a mature
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 relationship and money to raise a
child
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.
That is
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 why I believe it is a positive development.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not logically organized and the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Work on structuring your essay with clear and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task but lacks depth and comprehensiveness in the discussion. Ensure that you provide a more focused and comprehensive analysis of the topic, supported by relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • matrimonial timing
  • fertility issues
  • career-oriented
  • financial security
  • societal norms
  • generational divide
  • personal fulfillment
  • personality development
  • biological clock
  • extended adolescence
  • family planning
  • child rearing
  • socioeconomic factors
  • traditional milestones
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