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Writing Samples
Band 5

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT . HOWEVER, OTHERS ARGUE THAT OTHER FACTORS LIKE TV OR FRIENDS HAVE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #role #child #development #factors #tv #friends #influence
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Raising a
child
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 is a daunting task in
this
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 era full of distractions around. It is argued that parents
plays
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play
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 a significant role in
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 upbringing while others think that it is the surroundings which help him develop his traits of personality more. In my opinion, both factors contribute but mum and dad have
impact
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an impact
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 on one's personality over
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everything
everthing
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everything
 else. Those who think that forbear
have
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has
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greater
Correct article usage
a greater
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 impact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because they are
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child's
Correct article usage
the child's
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first
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 tutor. A
child
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 learns his
first
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 word from
mom
Correct pronoun usage
his mom
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 and dad. it is the mother and father who introduce a
child
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 to the world.
However
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,After entering into
world
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the world
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 and
encoutering
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encountering
 with friends and social media, children may get enticed but it is the parents who will introduce them
with
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to
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 acceptable and
non acceptable
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non-acceptable
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 behaviour. children
learns
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learn
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 more
from
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at
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 their home because they spend most of their early years at home.
On the other hand
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, those who support the idea that friends and social media
plays
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play
show examples
 a significant role
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because juveniles spent more
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then
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than
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 half of their day with them in school or outside. Social media is too tempting these days,
for example
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, movies and
game
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games
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 on tv have greater VFX to entice young minds. As soon as they enter into teens, youngsters tend to learn from
same
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the same
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 age group
than to
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as
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 their ancestors because of
generation
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the generation
a generation
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 gap. They are likely to follow current trends
instead
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 of their parents which makes them feel updated.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there is no disadvantage
of
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to
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 following peers, it is the family's influence which
help
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helps
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 them to distinguish between right
or
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and
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 wrong. To conclude, in spite of surrounding by friends and tv, caretakers are the
one
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ones
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 who truly
inspire
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inspires
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 their
personality
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personalities
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.
Influence
Correct article usage
The influence
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 of other factors could be higher over a time period but
Correct article usage
the long
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long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on one's
Correct your spelling
upbringing
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up bringing
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upbringing
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 can be seen from
family
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the family
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 background.
Submitted by manjuganghas26 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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