SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT . HOWEVER, OTHERS ARGUE THAT OTHER FACTORS LIKE TV OR FRIENDS HAVE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Raising a
child
is a daunting task in
this
era full of distractions around. It is argued that parents
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
a significant role in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
upbringing while others think that it is the surroundings which help him develop his traits of personality more. In my opinion, both factors contribute but mum and dad have
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
on one's personality over
Correct your spelling
everything
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
else. Those who think that forbear
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
impact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
because they are
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
first
tutor. A
child
learns his
first
word from
mom
Correct pronoun usage
his mom
show examples
and dad. it is the mother and father who introduce a
child
to the world.
However
,After entering into
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
and
encoutering
Correct your spelling
encountering
with friends and social media, children may get enticed but it is the parents who will introduce them
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
acceptable and
non acceptable
Add a hyphen
non-acceptable
show examples
behaviour. children
learns
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
more
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
their home because they spend most of their early years at home.
On the other hand
, those who support the idea that friends and social media
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
a significant role
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
because juveniles spent more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
half of their day with them in school or outside. Social media is too tempting these days,
for example
, movies and
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
on tv have greater VFX to entice young minds. As soon as they enter into teens, youngsters tend to learn from
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
age group
than to
Change preposition
as
show examples
their ancestors because of
generation
Add an article
the generation
a generation
show examples
gap. They are likely to follow current trends
instead
of their parents which makes them feel updated.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there is no disadvantage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
following peers, it is the family's influence which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
them to distinguish between right
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
wrong. To conclude, in spite of surrounding by friends and tv, caretakers are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
who truly
inspire
Change the verb form
inspires
show examples
their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
Influence
Correct article usage
The influence
show examples
of other factors could be higher over a time period but
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on one's
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
can be seen from
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
background.
Submitted by manjuganghas26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: