IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Hunger is a critical
issue
 which governments must reflect on. Around one in nine
people
 in the
world
 suffers from malnutrition.
Although
 agriculture methods have improved significantly in recent decades, many still do not have access to
food
 supplements. Multiple reasons might cause to bring on
this
issue
.
This
 essay will attempt to analyse the causes which lead
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 hunger and will indicate some solutions. The
first
 and foremost reason is poverty. In spite of producing more than enough
food
 for
Correct article usage
the world ‘
show examples
world ‘
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population, particularly in some regions,
people
 can not afford to buy these supplements.
For instance
, some families in
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
under developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
 nations are not employed or do not have
sufficient
Add an article
a sufficient
show examples
 income that can cover their needs for nutrients.
As a result
, these
people
 suffer from health problems.
Furthermore
, another reason that can arise
this
issue
 is poor infrastructure, especially in
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
world
.
For example
, imagine a remote district or village
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the only way of its transportation is a one-line dirt road. Carrying
food
 supplies under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stormy weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 may affect reaching these products to their destinations.
Therefore
,
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
these area
Change the determiner
this area
these areas
show examples
 will experience a lack of
food
 sources which could lead to malnutrition. In order to solve
this
issue
, governments should present some solutions
such
 as education and donation.
Firstly
, the governors should provide
people
free
Change preposition
with free
show examples
 education available all around the
world
 and make it compulsory. Having academic background
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 more job opportunities for a community and will rise salaries.
Subsequently
,
people
 can purchase fresh and
nutrient
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
 ingredients.
Secondly
, by rising campaigns and gaining financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from industrial countries, more
food
 would be accessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
people
 of poor nations. To summarise, despite advances in
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 industry and adequate
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,
people
 still go hungry in some parts of the
world
. The leading causes are poverty and poor infrastructure.
However
, the solutions
such
 as having
higher
Add an article
the higher
a higher
show examples
 educational background and donation campaigns may lead to alleviating malnutrition.
Submitted by niligh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: