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Band 4

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
Due to the rise of social media, we are seeing more than
usual
Add an article
the usual
show examples
amount
 of
advertisements
 in our day-to-day lives. Even though they are informative and tell us about some new products, we end up spending on
lot
Add an article
a lot
the lot
show examples
 on unnecessary items and services which increases our debts or decrease our savings which could have been used towards something important. Nowadays people are spending a lot of their
time
 on social media where they see
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
advertisements
, and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they feel
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 urge to buy something. These social media platforms have started using machine learning and artificial intelligence which
collects
Correct subject-verb agreement
collect
show examples
 data all the
time
 and they use
this
 data to create an algorithm which can target
advertisements
 to a certain
amount
 group of people who fits their algorithmic model.
For example
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the companies
tracks
Change the verb form
track
show examples
 the
amount
 of
time
 a user spends on certain kinds of ads and the algorithm will target only those certain products to the users
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it thinks are relevant. Due to the targeted advertising, people develop an urge to buy that product even though it is not needed.
For example
, If a person is passionate about cars, he will spend more
time
 on an advertisement about a car and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 the algorithm will show similar ads and because of that he will feel
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 urge to get a new car even though there is no need for that. He will eventually end up with an auto loan or
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 his savings for a thing which was not necessary and will regret the decision later. In conclusion,
advertisements
 are a good tool to get information about new products which might improve our lives but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can create a negative impact on our financial stability which can affect our spending on essential things required in future.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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