IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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Due to the rise of social media, we are seeing more than
usual
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the usual
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amount
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 of
advertisements
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 in our day-to-day lives. Even though they are informative and tell us about some new products, we end up spending on
lot
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a lot
the lot
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 on unnecessary items and services which increases our debts or decrease our savings which could have been used towards something important. Nowadays people are spending a lot of their
time
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 on social media where they see
huge
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a huge
the huge
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
advertisements
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, and because of
that
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,that
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 they feel
an
Change the article
the
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 urge to buy something. These social media platforms have started using machine learning and artificial intelligence which
collects
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collect
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 data all the
time
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 and they use
this
Linking Words
 data to create an algorithm which can target
advertisements
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 to a certain
amount
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 group of people who fits their algorithmic model.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the companies
tracks
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track
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 the
amount
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 of
time
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 a user spends on certain kinds of ads and the algorithm will target only those certain products to the users
which
Correct word choice
that
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 it thinks are relevant. Due to the targeted advertising, people develop an urge to buy that product even though it is not needed.
For example
Linking Words
, If a person is passionate about cars, he will spend more
time
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 on an advertisement about a car and after
that
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,that
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 the algorithm will show similar ads and because of that he will feel
Correct your spelling
an
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and
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an
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 urge to get a new car even though there is no need for that. He will eventually end up with an auto loan or
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
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 his savings for a thing which was not necessary and will regret the decision later. In conclusion,
advertisements
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 are a good tool to get information about new products which might improve our lives but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can create a negative impact on our financial stability which can affect our spending on essential things required in future.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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