Nowadays, there are many celebrities who are famous for their glamour and wealth rather than achievements. This is a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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In the present day, it is true that a lot of famous figures are well known for their wealth and glamour

instead

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of achievements and success. Some argue that

this

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has a negative effect on teenagers, and I completely agree with

this

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idea. On the one hand, there are several reasons why I consider

this

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to be detrimental to young adults.

Firstly

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, youngsters may be easily misled by their idols because they are not mentally mature enough to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong.

For example

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, they would consider money and wealth

Change the verb form

to be

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of the utmost importance if their idols are famous for wealth.

This

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is more likely to encourage people to believe in materialism, which will undoubtedly have a negative impact on society.

As a result

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, students will desperately dream about being rich and they will no longer be eager

for acquiring

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to acquire

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knowledge and professional skills, resulting in a lack of a productive workforce.

On the other hand

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, youngsters need a positive role model.

In other words

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, they require someone who is knowledgeable and motivated to teach them and to open the door to a promising career path for them. Apparently, celebrities who are not famous for their achievements in science or society are not proper role models.

Such

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well-known figures cannot benefit students in terms of studies and they only care about making a profit. In conclusion, an increasing number of famous people are known for the glamour and money they possess rather than their contribution to society nowadays, and I believe

this

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could be detrimental to youngsters.

tincelSat Dec 03 2022

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task response

Your essay provides a clear response to the task, expressing a strong agreement with the idea presented. Keep the focus on addressing the question directly and avoid going off topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay demonstrates effective coherence and cohesion with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that all body paragraphs are well-structured and linked together effectively to enhance the overall coherence.

8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

superficial attributes
sensationalism
idolize
materialism
philanthropy
glamour
achievements
role models
humanitarian
influence
media portrayal
public adoration
celebrity worship
young individuals
unrealistic standards
intellectual success
public interest
professional recognition

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