IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, —explain that you would like to apply for the job —give some details of any relevant experience that you have —specify the days and times that would suit you

#restaurant #job #manager #—explain #—give #—specify #times
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Dear Sir or Madam, I saw your advertisement that
posted
Add a missing verb
was posted
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 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. That's why I am enquiring as to whether you currently have any positions in the area of local
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 that
was
Wrong verb form
are
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 offering a part-time
job
. At the moment, I'm studying at
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 that
located
Add a missing verb
is located
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at
Change preposition
in
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Add an article
the center
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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 of England. 2 years ago, I got into
university
 but I didn't win a scholarship which is why I have to pay
a
Change preposition
for a
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contract. At the outset my parents paid my
university
 contract
then
 I decided to pay myself so that they would not suffer. I looked into jobs repeatedly but they weren't suitable for me.
Then
 I saw your poster that's why I am addressing you. I really have an affinity for cooking. Ahead of , I worked at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 restaurant
for
Change preposition
as
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cook
Correct article usage
a cook
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 when I was at school teenager in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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summer holiday. I have a natural talent for
this
job
.
Besides
, I can get on well with people. At the moment, I'm studying in the evening so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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I would like to work a daytime
job
 that suits me. I can begin work at 6 oʻclock in the morning and need to finish by 5 o'clock because I have to go to
university
. I look forward to speaking with you about
this
job
. Yours faithfully, Richard
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Grammatical
While the letter is effective, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, 'That's why I am enquiring as to whether you currently have any positions in the area of local restaurant that was offering a part-time job' could be simplified to 'I am writing to inquire about the part-time job opportunity at your restaurant.'
Coherence
Ensure each paragraph expresses a single idea clearly. For instance, combining the information about the university and job search journey into a more coherent structure could improve readability.
Tone
Try to use more formal language when necessary. Phrases like 'get on well with people' can be replaced with 'work well with others' to maintain a professional tone.
Content
The letter effectively addresses the purpose of applying for the job and covers relevant experiences and availability details.
Tone
The greeting and closing are appropriately formal, which suits the context of the letter.
Details
The applicant's motivation for the job and explanation of their circumstances are clearly conveyed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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