IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that having a retirement age of 65 years is unfair. They believe that certain workers should retire earlier and get pension at an early age. Do you agree or disagree? Give examples

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It is arguable whether the elderly should retire before they turn 65, which is the average retirement
age
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement due to the
life
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expectancy
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 of the modern world as well as their valuable experience.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undoubtedly true that
life
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expectancy
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 has been lengthened by great medical advances. When
life
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expectancy
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 was about 60, it was acceptable for the old to leave their career.
However
Linking Words
, in the modern world where people are expected to live as long as the
age
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 of 80, it seems infeasible that the elderly only live on
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
show examples
 for almost 20 years.
For example
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, there are numerous old people found starved to death, because 20 years is excessively long for them to keep on living without any financial activity.
In addition
Linking Words
, the experience of elder people is much more worthwhile than it is usually thought. Especially from an entrepreneur's perspective, it may a great loss to encourage them to retire just because of the fact that they turned 65 at
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, by the
age
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 of 60, they probably know almost everything about the industries they have been involved in. Considering the fact that their understanding of those fields has been stacked for a great period of time, Company owners are possibly able to make good use of
this
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. To sum up, I believe that nor do the elderly play a significant role in many different types of industries with plenty of experience and clarity from their
age
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, but the public will work longer one way or another with lengthened
life
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expectancy
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.
Thus
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, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.

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