IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to many human activites animals and plants life is in danger. Some think that this cannot be changed. Some think that government should do something. Discuss bothe views and give your opinion.

Humans play a vital role in maintaining a balance in the ecosystem.
Due to
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 various activities of man,
animals
Use synonyms
 and plant species are endangered. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 cannot be
changed
Punctuation problem
changed,
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 whilst others are of the view that the government should adopt some measures to save flora and fauna.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and will
further
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 opine on the best approach.
Firstly
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, those who believe that
this
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 is part and parcel of life are more logical towards their thinking. As the population is increasing,
people
Use synonyms
 are left with no choice other than to cut down trees to build their homes. Many forests and animal habitats are being taken up by humans for their living. It is very difficult to change
this
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 it is not in one person's hands to change the whole mentality.
Therefore
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, folks believe that we have to live with
this
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 truth and there is nothing which can be done to save wildlife and
plantation
Fix the agreement mistake
plantations
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.
On the other hand
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 have faith that if the government take certain steps in
this
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 regard, a lot can be changed.
For example
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: Certain areas can be restricted only to wildlife and forests. Zoos can be built so that the
animals
Use synonyms
 are able to survive in their natural habitats. Children should be educated about the importance of wild
animals
Use synonyms
, pets and species of plants. These measures could certainly lead to one step closer towards saving plants and
animals
Use synonyms
 on the Earth.
Therefore
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, I would say that it is always better to adopt some measures towards any kind of betterment rather than believing that nothing can be done. If the local bodies and the state try to convince
people
Use synonyms
 by organising seminars and spreading awareness about the importance of the ecosystem, improvement can
be definitely
Correct word order
definitely be
show examples
 seen.

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Task response
Make the main view clear in the intro and keep it in mind in the body.
Task response
Give one main idea per paragraph and add one or two short facts or examples to back it up.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show order and to connect ideas, like also, but, however, for example.
Grammatical range
Check grammar: 'the government take' should be 'the government takes'; 'plantation' is usually 'plants' or 'plant life'.
Task response
The essay talks about both sides and gives a view.
Coherence and cohesion
It uses clear paragraphs and linking words like 'Firstly' and 'On the other hand'.
Task response
It gives ideas that the government can act, such as rules and education.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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