IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

RESEARCH INDICATES THAT THE CHERACTERISTICS WE ARE BORN WITH HAVE MUCH MORE INFLUENCE ON YOUR PERSONALITY AND DEVELOPMENT THAN ANY EXPERIENCES WE MAY HAVE IN OUR LIFE. WHICH DO YOU CONSIDER TO BE THE MAJOR INFLUENCE?

#research #cheracteristics #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
Nowadays,
personality
 and
development
 are crucial to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in
this
 modern world.
Although
, research indicates that birth features are the basis of building
personality
 in terms of outlook and character
development
 more than any
experience
.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
experience
 plays a vital and prominent role. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss the reasons why I disagree with the above statement.
To begin
, it is indeed true that adopting is human natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, and it is common nowadays that every individual adopts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living conditions. People can learn multifold things from
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
 and
then
 they have begun to change themselves by
Add an article
an improved
show examples
improved
Replace the word
improving
show examples
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
show examples
.
For example
, if we could utilize the
experience
 we gain from working or travelling abroad, we would be more mature and more
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
.
In addition
, we would
also
 be aware of their lifestyles and culture and eventually become more knowledgeable.
Secondly
, we may
also
 become more self-independent than others if we live in a harsh environment when we are young.
For example
, in China, many children have to sacrifice their studies and come out to work since they were small. They are
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to have the ability to make more mature decisions on their own in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted in China between those who are affluent and those who are living in poverty.
Moreover
, people who face a lot of issues in their lives will have a detailed plan of what to do
next
.
For instance
, they will organize their expenditures well.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
experience
 gained from various fields in their
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a huge influence on one’s
personality
 and
development
. Agglomerating all the above points elaborated, I would like to conclude that one can learn multifold things
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
 and
that is
 why
experience
 plays a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
personality
 and
development
.RESEARCH INDICATES THAT THE
Correct your spelling
CHARACTERISTICS
CHERACTERISTICS
Correct your spelling
CHARACTERISTICS
 WE ARE BORN WITH HAVE MUCH MORE INFLUENCE ON
YOUR
Correct pronoun usage
OUR
show examples
PERSONALITY
 AND
DEVELOPMENT
 THAN ANY EXPERIENCES WE MAY HAVE IN OUR LIFE. WHICH DO YOU CONSIDER TO BE THE MAJOR INFLUENCE?
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: