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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other at work, at school and in daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people believe that it is better to cooperate with others
instead
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 of competing at work, at school and in daily
life
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. I agree with
this
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 opinion to a large extent, because
cooperation
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 usually creates better results and relationships.
Firstly
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,
cooperation
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 helps people share their abilities and complete tasks more effectively. In the workplace, when employees work together, they can solve problems faster and reduce stress.
For example
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, in my own experience at university, group assignments become easier when everyone is willing to help each other and divide the work fairly.
This
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also
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 improves communication among team members.
In addition
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,
cooperation
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 at school can help
students
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 learn more successfully.
Students
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 who study together can exchange ideas and support each other when they face difficulties.
As a result
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, weaker
students
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 can improve their performance, and stronger
students
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 can develop leadership and teaching skills. In daily
life
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,
cooperation
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 between family members
also
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 makes
life
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 more organised and less stressful.
However
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, I believe that
competition
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 still has some positive effects.
Competition
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 can encourage people to try harder and improve their personal skills.
For instance
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,
students
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 may study more seriously when they want to achieve better grades than others. The problem appears when
competition
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 becomes too strong and creates pressure or unhealthy behaviour. In conclusion, I mostly agree that
cooperation
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 should be encouraged in different areas of
life
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 because it leads to better learning, stronger relationships and more effective teamwork.
Nevertheless
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, a small amount of
competition
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 can be useful if it remains fair and motivating.

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overall
Strengths: clear view on the topic and good use of examples from school and work. The essay has a logical flow with sign posts like First, In addition, However, and In conclusion.
task response
Task response: keep a stronger, direct stance at the start and add one or two precise points that connect with life at work or daily life to fully show why cooperation helps. Include a short counter-argument and a quick rebuttal.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Paragraphs are clear and ideas link well. To improve, use more varied, simple link words and make sure each paragraph has one main idea. Check that every sentence connects to the main point.
lexical
Lexical choices (simple words): The essay mostly uses common words. Watch for less common words that could be hard for some readers. Prefer simple, exact words to explain ideas.
grammar
Grammatical range: Use simple sentences carefully and check for subject-verb error or tense change. A mix of short and longer sentences helps pace.
content
Clear position and clear structure
content
Good use of examples from study and work life
structure
Good closing that restates the idea
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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