For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #reason #work #money

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Nowadays, a significant portion of the employees

work

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because of the

money

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This

Linking Words

writer agrees that

money

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is the main part

due to

Linking Words

the increase in

cost

Add an article

the cost

show examples

of life and health. It must be recognized that

people

Use synonyms

need more

money

Use synonyms

to pay for the cist.

This

Linking Words

is because the bill for

educating

Replace the word

education

show examples

, housing and

transporting

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transport

show examples

are increasing as a way to catch up with the speed of population growth.

As a result

Linking Words

, occupations have to

work

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better and harder to make more

incomes

Fix the agreement mistake

income

show examples

, which will keep the roof

Change preposition

over

show examples

their heads, keep their children in school and

assure

Verb problem

ensure

show examples

that there is sufficient food on their table. A report from the

USA

Correct your spelling

show examples

government in 2016

had shown

Wrong verb form

showed

show examples

that the average fee to live in America had gone up to 45% higher than it used to be in 2000.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

harder for

money

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to pay for their living. Another factor worth

consideration

Replace the word

considering

show examples

is that generating

money

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need

Wrong verb form

needed

show examples

for

health

Add an article

the health

show examples

system.

This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the fact modern industry reveals more categories of diseases and

illness

Fix the agreement mistake

illnesses

show examples

which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

adversely detrimental to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and require

the

Correct article usage

show examples

immense amount of

resource

Fix the agreement mistake

resources

show examples

to be put

Change preposition

into

show examples

it to find

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

As a consequence

Linking Words

, workers have to do more to earn more pay

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

for their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Hence

Linking Words

medical

Replace the word

medicine

show examples

is the factor

made

Wrong verb form

that makes

show examples

people

Use synonyms

need more

money

Use synonyms

. Taking everything into account, the increase in cost of living and the risks from new diseases are the main

factor

Change the noun form

factors

show examples

for

people

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

more.

Thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

writer

agree

Change the verb form

agrees

show examples

with that statement.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Jun 04 2024

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task achievement

Work on expanding and elaborating your ideas more comprehensively. While you have identified relevant points, adding more details and examples will strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Aim to avoid simple grammatical errors and improve the flow of your sentences to maintain reader engagement. This will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph stay on topic. This will contribute to a more logical and organized structure.

introduction conclusion

A well-organized introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting the argument and summarizing the main points.

logical structure

The essay presents a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas, which helps in understanding the writer's point of view.

clear comprehensive ideas

Good identification of relevant factors such as the cost of living and health concerns, which are pertinent to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
necessities
monetary rewards
quality of life
luxury items
dependents
responsibility
pursue
personal interests
cultural pressures
wealth accumulation
fulfillment
visible measure
correlate
secure future
comfortable lifestyle
entertainment

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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays the way many people interact why each other has changed because of technology In what ways has technology affected the types of relation ship people make Has this become a positive or negative development?

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?