For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, a significant portion of the employees
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because of the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

writer agrees that
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the main part
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the increase in
cost
Add an article
the cost

The noun phrase cost seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
of life and health. It must be recognized that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need more
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to pay for the cist.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because the bill for
educating
Replace the word
education

The word educating doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, housing and
transporting
Replace the word
transport

The word transporting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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are increasing as a way to catch up with the speed of population growth.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, occupations have to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

better and harder to make more
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income

It seems that incomes may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which will keep the roof
on
Change preposition
over

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their heads, keep their children in school and
assure
Verb problem
ensure

There may be a verb use issue here.

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that there is sufficient food on their table. A report from the
USA
Correct your spelling
US

The word USA doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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government in 2016
had shown
Wrong verb form
showed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb had shown. Consider changing it.

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that the average fee to live in America had gone up to 45% higher than it used to be in 2000.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

harder for
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to pay for their living. Another factor worth
consideration
Replace the word
considering

The word consideration doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
is that generating
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
need
Wrong verb form
needed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb need. Consider changing it.

show examples
for
health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health system seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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system.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the fact modern industry reveals more categories of diseases and
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses

It seems that illness may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which
is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject more categories of diseases and illness. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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adversely detrimental to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society and require
the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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immense amount of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources

It seems that resource may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to be put
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
it to find
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions

It seems that solution may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, workers have to do more to earn more pay
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
medical
Replace the word
medicine

The word medical doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
is the factor
made
Wrong verb form
that makes

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb made. Consider changing it.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need more
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Taking everything into account, the increase in cost of living and the risks from new diseases are the main
factor
Change the noun form
factors

It appears that the subject and the predicate noun in this sentence do not agree in number. Consider making the noun factor plural.

show examples
for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

more.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees

The plural verb agree does not appear to agree with the singular subject this writer. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
with that statement.

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task achievement
Work on expanding and elaborating your ideas more comprehensively. While you have identified relevant points, adding more details and examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Aim to avoid simple grammatical errors and improve the flow of your sentences to maintain reader engagement. This will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph stay on topic. This will contribute to a more logical and organized structure.
introduction conclusion
A well-organized introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting the argument and summarizing the main points.
logical structure
The essay presents a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas, which helps in understanding the writer's point of view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Good identification of relevant factors such as the cost of living and health concerns, which are pertinent to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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