IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #talk #school #students #dangers #crime
Some
criminals
 became good citizens after being released back into society.
Although
 some people believe that having these people give a talk is the best way to inform school
students
 about the
dangers
 of embarking on a
crime
, I would argue that there are some better
ways
 to achieve that aim. There are a few reasons why having a meeting with people who committed a
crime
 with school
students
 is a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 way to help
pupils
 understand the
dangers
 of committing a
crime
. One reason is that
this
 kind of person will have a realistic view of the crimes since they embarked on a real
crime
 before, which gives them a genuine experience.
As a result
, their
information
 is reliable, which will make a huge impact on
students
. Another reason is that some former prisoners can provide detailed
information
 about the
dangers
 which exist in a
crime
.
This
 is because there are many secrets beyond a
crime
 that are known by only former
criminals
.
However
, some other
ways
 are more effective in giving
information
 to
pupils
 about the threats of starting a
crime
. One effective way is reading the
information
 in an online newspaper as it provides huge data about crimes around the world.
For example
, Vnexpress is the biggest online paper in Vietnam which provide many posts written about the
dangers
 of embarking on a
crime
 and the punishment of
criminals
.
Furthermore
, school
students
 can read some books about the
dangers
 of
crime
 written by many experts in the world. If
pupils
 can read some books by experts relating to
this
 subject, they will have a brief review with reliable data, which delivers
information
 effectively to them. In conclusion,
students
 can talk with former
criminals
 to know about the threats of starting a
crime
, but there are some other
ways
 to provide better
information
 about
this
 topic. It is recommended that
pupils
 should try many
ways
 to have correct
information
 about the topic.
Submitted by tienduongftu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: