Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than any other important professionals. Some people think it is justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Well-achieved athletes can have a great deal of earning huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts

It seems that amount may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of money, compared to any other essential workers.
Accordingly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it sparks heated
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions

It seems that opinion may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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from two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides

The singular noun side follows a number other than one. Consider changing the noun to the plural form.

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of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view

It seems that views may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, the agreeing and the disagreeing. The agreeing
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

would think that it is fair and well-earned for the sake of
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

athlete's
Correct article usage
the athlete's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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livelihood, but the disagreeing
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

thinking
Wrong verb form
thinks

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb thinking. Consider changing it.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is unfair and unjustified. The livelihood of an
athlete
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a long history of pain and sacrifice
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because many do not understand the hardship and
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they had to do to achieve the best performance.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many of them have to choose to start early on their practice or
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

harder twice when they are older to pursue
immense
Correct article usage
the immense

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ability
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could offer. Even though it is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a privilege to
starting
Wrong verb form
start

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb starting. Consider changing it.

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practice early because it is connected with
family's
Correct article usage
the family's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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background or their economic's condition.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when they become older, usually over 35 years old, and had to pension, many of the athletes do not have
any
Correct your spelling
an

The word any doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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undergraduate degree to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

a proper job.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, sometimes the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government

It seems that governments may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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does not want to support them anymore so they had to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

their asses off to pay their bill.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, considering
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes

It seems that athlete may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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as
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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un-essential
Correct your spelling
unessential

The word un-essential doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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worker
Change to a plural noun
workers

The singular countable noun worker follows the quantifier one of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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and only give
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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benefit to
country's
Correct article usage
the country's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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pride, it does not make sense to give them a huge amount of money
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter especially if the more important workers suffer from underpayment. Consider adding the comma(s).

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if the more important workers suffer from underpayment.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it
is already happened
Change to the active voice
already happens
has already happened

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb happened in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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in Indonesia after the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

held
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian

If you don’t want asian to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

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games, the government give several
millions
Change to singular
million

It appears that the number millions is modifying a noun and should be in the singular form. Consider changing it.

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to the winners of the respective sports, even though, doctors, teachers and other important workers do not get a proper wage for their huge responsibilities. In conclusion, I agree
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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giving
Change the verb form
give

The to-infinitive that follows the verb agree requires the base form. Change giving to the base form.

show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the athlete
show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes

It seems that athlete may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
an immense bonus if they win, and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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paying
Wrong verb form
pay

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb paying. Consider changing it.

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them a standardized wage for life.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

giving
Wrong verb form
gives

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb giving. Consider changing it.

show examples
them a proper education and training to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
society normally after their end of careers.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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