IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hair styles. In your opinion what is influencing this? Is this a good or bad thing.

#countries #people #fashion #hair #styles
Recently,
people
 have been following the latest fashion and hairstyles in several countries. I strongly believe that social
media
 is the primary effect of
this
 trend, and it causes harmful consequences. To commence with, the prominent reason why thousands of
people
 want to follow these trends is the effect of social
media
 on our
lives
. Every single day, users of social
media
 platforms are exposed to influencers’
lives
 which they are dreaming
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
Therefore
, they want to reflect something in their
lives
. To illustrate, Neymar who is one of the most famous football players in the world dyed his hair yellow and posted
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
show examples
 Instagram.
Then
, their fans started to dye their hair yellow. In short, they cannot have a
life
 like Neymar, so they mirror his hairstyle at least.
This
 situation gives rise to serious drawbacks
such
 as mental disorders.
People
 strive to copy the influencers'
life
 not because of the goodness of their's fashion or styles but because of having a cool
life
 like them. Yet,
people
 don’t have the monetary source to afford
such
 a
life
.
Thus
, they start to think why I am not able to live in the same way.
This
 has led to their unhappiness since they don’t know that these
lives
 are not real. Influencers just put photos which they are in the best moments of their
lives
.
Nevertheless
, users consider they always like that, leading to some problems for users’ mental health. In conclusion,
people
 integrate some trends
such
 as fashion and
hairstyle
Fix the agreement mistake
hairstyles
show examples
 into their
life
. Social
media
 has numerous effects on
people
.
Hence
, the primary influencer of
this
 trend is social
media
.
This
 can lead to dangerous outcomes as fans try to resemble influencers but they don’t have
Correct article usage
the
show examples
finance for
this
.
As a result
 of
this
,some mental disorders arise because of feeling insufficientness
Submitted by merttufan197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: