Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Few undergraduates want to study other academic
subjects
along with
their main course. On the other hand
, some people argue that giving their all efforts and time to just pass the university
exams. This
essay will discuss both the views as well as
my opinion in upcoming paragraphs.
To commence with the former notion, learning other topics will enhance their skills. To explain, students should learn other subjects
to enhance their knowledge. Moreover
, In this
competitive world knowledge is the power. Additionally
, they have vast information about particular domains and it will help them throughout their career path. For instance
, a survey conducted by The University
of California indicates that 78% of university
undergraduates want to learn more subjects
along with
their main subjects
. Therefore
, studying other subjects
get more skills about the industry and market which will help them to get a job.
Shifting towards the latter notion, focusing on a specific subject is essential for undergraduate in order to get flying colours in their university
exams. To explicate, they should put their valuable time into studying the core topics of their course rather than learning less important ones. In addition
, following the course and working hard get students good marks
on the tests, and eventually, they perform well. For example
, a headline published by The Times of India shows that 64% of all university
students want to focus and give time to core subjects
in order to get very good marks
in the examination.
To conclude
, although
learning about more topics gives vast expertise about the industry, undergraduates should focus on course-related subjects
to get good marks
on the tests. I believe that getting skills is far more important than exams and marks
.Submitted by birenp046 on
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task achievement
The introduction clearly states the two viewpoints and sets up the discussion effectively. However, the phrasing could be slightly more refined. For example, 'Few undergraduates' could be rephrased to 'Some university students' to avoid confusion between 'few' and 'a few.'
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more concise language. For instance, in the sentence 'getting skills is far more important than exams and marks,' you might say 'developing skills is more crucial than just focusing on exams and marks.'
task achievement
Ensure that each point in the essay is explicitly backed by relevant examples. For example, the University of California survey and The Times of India headline are good starts but could be elaborated on for more clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Using transitional phrases such as 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'Conversely' more effectively would improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to strengthen your arguments, which shows good understanding and research.
task achievement
The essay achieves a balanced discussion by presenting both viewpoints before offering your own opinion clearly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.