Many people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #happiness #success #factors

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Some people think that happiness is directly connected to financial

success

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while others argue that happiness is related to other

factors

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This

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statement is true on a particular part but not as a whole. In

this

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essay,

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will state the positive and negative sides and give my opinion.

First

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and foremost, as

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said before that

this

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statement is right but not a hundred

percent

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per cent

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right. What blocked us to be happy, most of the time is

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

because

Add the preposition

ofbecause

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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economic problem.

Moreover

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, at least financial

success

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will eliminate one huge factor that can

makes

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make

show examples

us unhappy. With a good economy, people can fulfil their tertiary needs and feed their lifestyle, they can buy food without thinking about the price, and

basically

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,basically

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they can do what they want.

On the other hand

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lot

Change the article

a lot

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of money

not

Add a missing verb

is not

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merely the

Use synonyms

factors

Fix the agreement mistake

factor

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that

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

us happy, there is still

small

Add an article

a small

show examples

part of it like relationships with friends, with family, and so forth that can make us happy too.

In addition

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, With a big number in our account but if we do not have friends, family, and someone to lean on

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apply

show examples

, the only thing we can feel is loneliness. It happens because on the

first

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day we were born, we are social creatures.

Hence

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, need to socialize with others in order to survive in

this

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world, it is mandatory to have someone that can be our ears. From the arguments, what

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show examples

can conclude is indeed happiness depends on other

factors

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, but financial

success

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plays a big role in it. With enough money, we can eliminate a ton of

factors

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that can

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

us unhappy. And if

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show examples

get the opportunity to choose, to be happy

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show examples

will prefer to have economic

success

Use synonyms

first

Linking Words

Submitted by matlbert20 on Wed Dec 07 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Many people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Waste disposal presents increasing problems, especially in urban areas. What do you think are the causes? Give some suggestions to the government and individuals on how to reduce the amount of rubbish.

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people work for the same company or organisation during their whole working life why I don't see is dead. It is better to work for different companies discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?