IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
In
this
 day and age, there is a surge in
crime
rates
 across the world.
However
, while some claim that there are many
ways
 to reduce criminality better than before, some argue that it is not likely to have more actions to deal with the issue. Both points of view will be elaborated on in
this
 essay, as well as the reason why I am convinced that there are more
ways
 to go to tackle criminality.
To begin
 with, some individuals trust that many solutions can be taken to prevent people from committing crimes. To clarify, it is believed that higher penalties lead to a fear of taking misconduct behaviours.
For example
, criminals committing pickpocketing in Singapore, a country with low
crime
rates
, can receive a prison sentence maximum of 10 years, while only 6 months of imprisonment can be ordered in Thailand. In
this
 respect, increasing the intensity of punishments can prevent potential crimes.
On the other hand
, the opponents of
this
 idea argue that little methods can be taken. To clarify, at the present day, many are facing financial instability
as a result
 of world economic regression.
Therefore
 some groups of individuals have resorted to illegal actions,
such
 as stealing food, to be survived
this
 crisis.
For instance
, it is a fact that
crime
rates
 across the world have risen dramatically during the recent Covid-19 pandemic as s consequence of people's lack of sufficient income for basic amenities. Personally, I firmly believe that there are many
ways
 to deal with criminality. To explain, instilling citizens, especially at young ages, patriotism can effectively lead to unity in the nation. From
this
 perspective, all citizens will help each other pass through
this
 financial crisis regarding the nation’s benefits rather than only focus on personal advantages and decide to commit a
crime
. In conclusion, while many claimed that there are almost no other
ways
 to prevent criminals from committing crimes, some still believe that more means can be adopted. I am of the opinion that there are many solutions authorities can embrace to curb
crime
rates
,
such
 as instilling in their
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 patriotism.
Submitted by nanthapat.a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: