Unemployment is a growing problem all over the world. What are the causes of this? What could be done to help tackle this issue? To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#unemployment #world

In the recent modern world, the issue of unemployment is becoming more and more serious. Rapid changing

industry

structures, helped by the advent of the internet

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the main driver of

this

serious problem.

Also

unstable

Correct article usage

the unstable

show examples

world economy due to the recent pandemic and wars are critical reasons as well. I completely agree with the idea that

unemplyment

Correct your spelling

unemployment

is one of the most significant and growing

world-wide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

show examples

issues and would like to propose some opinions on its causes and solutions. The

first

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

most significant cause of

this

problem is the impact of the recent pandemic and the war.

For example

, due to the prolonged impact

from

Change preposition

show examples

COVID-19, the travel and entertainment

industry

received devastating damage.

As a result

, companies in the

industry

had no choice but to reduce

head

Correct article usage

the head

show examples

counts of the staff working for them.

Likewise

, many other sections of

industry

needed to go through a similar path. The

second

significant reason is the advent of the internet and digitization. Now that many positions can be replaced by digital tools and robotics, the number of clerical jobs required at

work places

Correct your spelling

workplaces

show examples

is decreasing. While people's life is becoming more convenient, some segment of workers were seriously impacted by

this

move.

For example

, at convenience stores, self-registration machines are replacing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

shop cashiers.

Also

, at some

restarurants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

and hotels, robot employees can handle customers so that human interaction can be

minimum

Replace the word

minimized

show examples

in the current circumstances. To counter

these status

Change the determiner

this status

these statuses

show examples

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

should introduce reskilling programs

Change preposition

for

show examples

those people who lost jobs and make maximum effort to deploy them to other

industories

Correct your spelling

industries

in the future.

Also

, they have to implement a subsidy program

Change preposition

for

show examples

private companies to keep their employees with the organization and encourage them to pursue different career paths. In conclusion, the issue of increasing

jobless

Correct article usage

the jobless

show examples

ratio is one of the most critical issues of today. They are caused by

macro

Add an article

the macro

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economy as well as by the change of the structure of

industry

Add an article

the industry

an industry

show examples

. To solve

this

huge issue,

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

and

privage

Correct your spelling

private

sectors should take bold

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

show examples

together.

Submitted by michima2011 on Fri Dec 09 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

339 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Unemployment is a growing problem all over the world. What are the causes of this? What could be done to help tackle this issue? To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep course? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is that? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?