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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #history #world
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In
this
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 day and age, giving lessons on the
culture
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 of different countries has become one of the main streams of fostering the young
generation
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. Some people may contend that
children
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 should
initially
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 know as much about native past and traditions as they can because it is significant.
And from
Correct word choice
From
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 my perspective, it is more advantageous and important for young students to study local
history
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 and
culture
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 than learn world
history
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.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 can obtain cultural confidence and belongingness by learning about their native past.
In other words
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, after thoroughly studying the formation of native
history
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, they build up pride in their civilization, and find a bond between self and
history
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; through deeply understanding the spreading of local tradition, people easily form an emotional attachment to the land, especially for the young
generation
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.
For instance
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, many Chinese immigrants in
western
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Western
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 countries teach their next
generation
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 Mandarin, in order to give their
children
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 a sense of belonging in the aspect of
culture
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 and race.
Therefore
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, confidence in
culture
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 and a sense of belonging are necessities for teaching
children
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 the lessons.
Furthermore
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, to preserve local
history
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, it is vital for young students to learn about various historical events.
For
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this
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 reason
that
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apply
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plenty of ethnic identities in specific areas and some minority traditions are being forgotten as time passes by, and fewer young people know the past of the place they live.
As a result
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, young citizens will not understand the significance of numerous historical events happened to the land so that the preservation of the native
history
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 and civilization is going to be difficult to pass down to the next
generation
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.
Thus
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, citizens are supposed to learn more to protect local features. From the foregoing discussion, it is justifiable that the benefit of studying domestic
history
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 overtakes the drawbacks. School
children
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 are meant to learn their own past at the start,
then
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 the world’s
history
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. The teachers ought to help students with the construction of confidence in a
culture
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, passing down the notion of being responsible for defending their special
history
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.
Submitted by sharonshisyf331 on

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task response
You have provided a clear response to the task and presented comprehensive ideas. However, make sure to support your points with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and coherent progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is well-linked and the ideas flow smoothly throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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