IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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It is argued that
products
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 high in
sugar
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 should be sold at a higher
price
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 to discourage people from consuming excessive
sugar
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due to
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 many medical issues caused by high levels of
sugar
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 in food and beverage goods. I strongly agree with
this
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 idea because, through
this
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 policy, many people will be more thoughtful with their buying and
companies
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 will start selling healthier
products
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. More expensive sugary
products
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 will result in a more thoughtful consumer. By implementing
this
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 strategy, a consumer will be most likely to think thoroughly before spending more money on a product that contains excessive
sugar
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. The money
that is
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 not spent
then
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 can be allocated to buy more nutritious
products
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, leading to a healthier individual.
For example
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, recent research found that after an increase in the
price
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 of goods that are high in
sugar
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, there is an increase in fruit sales in many countries.
Moreover
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, the higher
price
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 of sweet foods and drinks can push
companies
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 to start offering more well-nourished
products
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. The financial cost of a decrease in sales will prompt
companies
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 to develop better alternatives that the market needs. If more people choose to stop buying
sugar
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-excessive
products
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,
companies
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then
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 must turn to healthier
products
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 in order to keep making profits.
For instance
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, after the
sugar
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 tax was implemented in Singapore, a lot of
companies
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starts
Wrong verb form
started
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 to make healthier goods. In conclusion, since
sugar
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-excessive
products
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 cause a lot of diseases, it is thought that the
price
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 of
products
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 high in
sugar
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 should be higher. I agree with
this
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 suggestion because more expensive sweet
products
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 will result in more careful customers and healthier
products
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 in the market.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing clear arguments and relevant examples to support the position. To further improve, you could deepen the analysis or add a counterargument for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, ensure seamless transitions between ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with well-organized paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present and clearly encapsulate the main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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