IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #schools #health
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Some people consider that nowadays,
schools
Use synonyms
 pay great attention to teaching
students
Use synonyms
 about knowledge and skills and
thus
Linking Words
 ignore how young people tackle the issue of their
health
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. Personally, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point because a good body plays a vital role in both our family and career. There are some reasons and examples that explain why
schools
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 and teachers have not done enough to take care of
students
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'
health
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is a common phenomenon that
students
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 are excepted to get good grades in school and
thus
Linking Words
 they can receive a position in elite colleges. For
this
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, teachers attempt to teach the young about knowledge and skills and help them pass the entrance examination. As a consequence, the course, guiding
students
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 to take care of their
health
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, has been ignored.
For example
Linking Words
, in China, PE lessons tend to be cancelled in high
schools
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 in order to dig out more time for learning other lessons
such
Linking Words
 as math, chemistry and science, which improves the possibility of entering a university. In my opinion, we should be aware that young people
also
Linking Words
 need abundant knowledge about healthcare and their
health
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, the importance of which is equal to other lessons in
schools
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. There is no doubt that a strong body plays an essential role in our life. From a personal aspect, a healthy condition helps us stand out in the masses of future competitions, particularly in our careers. From a social perspective, the improvement of
students
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'
health
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 is beneficial to mitigate the pressure on the local medical system and reduce the government budgets for medical fields.
Thus
Linking Words
, teaching
students
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 in
schools
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 about how to consider their
health
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 condition is absolutely a positive development. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that some
schools
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 ignore the guidance of
students
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'
health
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, which is important from both individual and social perspectives.
Submitted by 1998v7 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health education
  • Curriculum
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Exercise
  • Mental health
  • Hygiene
  • Practical skills
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Long-term benefits
  • Reduced healthcare costs
  • Academic performance
  • Well-being
  • Comprehensive health programs
  • Positive outcomes
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