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Writing Samples
Band 7

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

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In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding the importance of
art
Use synonyms
 has been a prominent topic.
While
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 some people believe that
art
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 plays a crucial role in a nation’s culture, others argue that
science
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,
technology
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, and
business
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial. From my perspective, there are some reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon,
such
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 as alleviating financial problems
as well as
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 the growing demand for
technology
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, and
thus
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, some steps can be taken to accentuate the
art
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.
To begin
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 with, there are two primary reasons why people’s attention has deviated from
art
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 to
science
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,
technology
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, and
business
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.
Firstly
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, the economic value that a digital or scientific product brings is much more than that of an artwork.
For instance
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, the invention of the ATM has created billions of dollars in profit all around the world in just a few years.
On the contrary
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, a work of
art
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 cannot do the same.
Additionally
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, as the world is becoming borderless, the requirement for cutting-edge
technology
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 is of paramount importance. It is undeniable that youngsters, nowadays, can live without
art
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 but cannot survive without
technology
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.
This
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 leads to a considerable increase in the dominance of
science
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,
technology
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, and
business
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 matters.
However
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,
art
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 can be considered as a significant aspect that can affect the country’s culture and heritage.
Hence
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, some measures should be adopted to draw people’s attention to
art
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. One fundamental step is increasing the level of education about
artworks
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 from elementary schools.
For example
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, the hours dedicated to
art
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 classes in the school’s curriculum should be expanded.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the authorities should raise citizen’s awareness of
art
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 by displaying slogans on banners,
as well as
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 billboards on the streets. By doing
this
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, people will slowly join hands in enjoying and preserving
artworks
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the contribution of
business
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,
technology
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, and
science
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 to the advancement of human society is indispensable,
artworks
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 should be granted the exact importance , owing to the fact that they help to promote cultural heritage. So, governments and school authorities should take some steps to preserve
artworks
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve even higher coherence and cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking phrases to further enhance the flow of your arguments. This will make your essay even more engaging and improve readability.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but try to include more specific examples or case studies. This will strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph sticks closely to the main point and avoid any minor digressions. This will help maintain a clear focus and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and aptly frame the essay. This gives your piece a professional feel and ensures the reader is aware of your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is a strong point in your essay. Each paragraph flows into the next seamlessly, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have overall conveyed clear and comprehensive ideas. Your points are relevant to the topic and allow the reader to understand your perspective thoroughly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • evolve
  • technological advancements
  • overshadowing
  • financial pressures
  • practical careers
  • digital entertainment
  • accessible
  • integrated
  • curricula
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • public art projects
  • engage
  • interactive
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