IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that the money should be spent by the government on events promoting the public to be healthy and active,
instead
Linking Words
 of educating numerous athletes to achieve medals at the Olympics.
Although
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 winning medals at the Olympics
introduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
introduces
show examples
 the country to the world beneficially, I strongly believe that the fundamental aim of the
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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 needs to be
considering
Change the verb form
to consider
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average
Add an article
the average
an average
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 of
public
Add an article
the public
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. On one hand, winning a medal at
the
Correct article usage
an
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 international competition presents
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 to the world, which can lead to several advantageous outcomes.
For example
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, the Turkish athlete who is Naim Süleymanoğlu won a gold medal
regarding
Change preposition
in
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 weightlifting.
Then
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, other athletes who want to be
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 in
this
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 sport,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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came to Turkey to take lessons from him in 1990.
This
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 led to
economical
Correct article usage
an economical
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 boost and increasing popularity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Turkey.
Therefore
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, some people claim that
governments
Use synonyms
 should allocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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monetary resources to the sportive people.
On the other hand
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, providing equal opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
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 the citizens’ health should be one of the main missions of the
governments
Use synonyms
 since the definition of
social
Correct article usage
a social
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 state is
this
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.
Thus
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, the government should spend money
from
Change preposition
on
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general
Correct article usage
the general
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 demands of society
to
Correct word choice
and to
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private
Correct article usage
the private
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 objectives of
country
Add an article
the country
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.
For instance
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, Somalia, which is one of the poorest countries in the world, is not able to prepare an athlete
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the Olympics before the fulfilment of their basic needs
such
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 as being healthy. In conclusion, it is debated that
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend money for their citizens
staying
Change the verb form
to stay
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 healthy in place of programs which is encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
athletes. I completely agree with the statement since the government needs to put in an
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 order
then
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 it ought to take an action.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reallocate
  • mass health improvement
  • national health issues
  • foster a sense of community
  • boost morale
  • lifestyle
  • public health programs
  • government’s commitment
  • national pride
  • Olympic success
  • physical activity
  • discovery of new talents
  • elite athletes
  • balanced approach
  • physical and mental health benefits
  • inspiring national pride
  • unity
  • elite sports
  • innovation
  • sports science and technology
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