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Writing Samples
Band 6

Fossil fuels are essential for producing electricity, powering industry and fueling transportation. However, one day we will reach a point when all the world’s fossil fuels have been depleted. • How can we conserve these resources? • What are some alternatives to fossil fuels

#fuels #electricity #industry #transportation #point #world’s #resources #alternatives
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There will
become
Verb problem
be
show examples
 a day when all fossil
fuels
Change the noun form
fuel
show examples
 resources
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be depleted,
therefore
 conservation actions should take place
along with
 the introduction of more sustainable alternatives. To conserve exhaustible fuels, both individuals and governments should take measures.
Firstly
, individuals can cut down on the consumption of oil, gas, and coal by steering clear of private vehicle usage.
Instead
, one can opt for more eco-friendly methods of transportation,
such
 as subways, buses, and even bicycles. Through
this
, not only will they be able to contribute to the conservation act but
also
 decrease their carbon footprint.
Moreover
, by signing petitions and engaging in campaigns regarding environmental issues, people gain the power to
enforce
Verb problem
force
show examples
 those in charge to be mindful of fuel consumption in industries and exportation purposes.
Secondly
, governments can implement legislation and improve public service infrastructure to encourage people to decrease their unrenewable
energy
 consumption. Putting green taxes, introducing park-ride schemes, and developing a well-built public transportation system can be viable solutions to fossil fuel depletion.
While
 conservation
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 could be helpful, introducing alternatives could
further
 mitigate concerns surrounding the depletion of fossil fuels. A promising alternative would be the introduction of renewable
energy
. Wind, tidal, and solar power can be used in order to generate electricity, power industries, and provide demanded amounts of
energy
 for transportation systems.
Moreover
, nuclear
energy
 is a clean, cost-effective substitution. To alleviate people's concerns about the hazards of nuclear stations, safety protocols have been used to guarantee a danger-free alternative. In conclusion, both individuals and governments can take measures to solve the problem of fossil fuel depletion.
Furthermore
, alternatives
such
 as renewable energies and nuclear
energy
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been suggested to mitigate concerns surrounding
this
 issue.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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relevant specific examples
Expand on the examples provided to ensure they are specific and detailed. Consider adding more real-world examples or case studies to strengthen your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure to expand on each alternative energy source slightly more to increase the understanding of how each one truly serves as a substitute.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough and thoughtful response to the task, addressing both parts of the question effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your writing is logical and well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have a solid understanding of both the need for conservation and the introduction of alternative energy sources, and you explore these ideas clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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