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Band 5

After graduating from high school , some young people decide to start working right away instead of going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this?

#school #people #right #university
Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adolescents skip
the study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 at university after finishing high
school
,
however
, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do
this
.
This
 essay will discuss some of the reasons why working after
school
so
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is so
show examples
 popular and some of the challenges to be overcome. Let’s begin by looking at the advantages of starting working after
school
. One of the main positives of
this
 trend is that it would
to
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apply
show examples
earn money for the next
education
. What I mean by
this
 is that most of the popular universities do not have enough scholarships and
education
 is too expensive for many middle families,
therefore
 often
people
 can't afford it.
For
this
 reason, teenagers take a gap year and save money for their future of them.
Secondly
, a gap year is a good chance to understand yourself, and what kind of subject or profession is really suitable.
For example
, common basic
education
 at
school
 suggests a lot of types of subjects, and sometimes students
confuse
Wrong verb form
are confused
show examples
 about their future profession. Which may lead to the right choice of job in the future. Turning to the other side of the argument,
work
 after
school
 is not always better for
people
. The major problem is the opportunity to forget everything that
taught
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is taught
show examples
 at
school
.
For instance
, after
school
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school,
show examples
people
 deep dive into their
work
 and focus only on purpose.
This
 often leads to
people
 are not
desire
Wrong verb form
desiring
show examples
 to study
further
 at university. Another issue is that nowadays if a person wants to
work
 in a good company, an employer won't give the vacancy without a diploma.
In other words
, good specialists are more valuable than those who have no experience in that profession.
This
 may result in there will be no promotion beyond the position. All things considered about the pros and cons of
work
 after
education
, personally, I believe that the benefits outweigh any negatives.
Submitted by karina.kravtsova97 on

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task response
Ensure that all points raised directly relate to the prompt and that the essay fully answers the question. Consider expanding on the disadvantages of working right after high school to provide a more balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Work on making smoother transitions between points to enhance coherence and cohesion further.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
task response
Supported main points with relevant examples and explanations.

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