IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more measures to improve the security in the urban areas have been introduced because of the increasing crime. Do the benefits of measures overweigh the drawbacks.

#measures #security #areas #crime #overweigh
Nowadays, crimes are increasing
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
show examples
 speed as people or abducting from their surroundings. It is often argued that the government should install more and more security services which would help them to overcome crimes. In
further
 paragraphs, I would be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the benefit that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 would receive and their drawbacks. To commence with, I believe that it is a good idea of the executive to take measures to improve security in urban areas as it would give various benefits to
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 inhabitants of that place. They would feel more secure
to go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 out with their families and leaving their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to play outdoor games.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 every house should install
camera
Add an article
the camera
a camera
show examples
, due to
this
, every person would be under observation and if anybody would do something wrong,
consequently
, they would be watched by it.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 the government should install cameras in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 area of the town so that everybody would be under surveillance.
Additionally
, there are various drawbacks of
this
 service as
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 would feel that they are being seen by other people.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 needs would
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 relaxed which can result in some kind of negligence. The population would not
paying
Change the verb form
pay
be paying
show examples
 attention and keep their doors open at night. To illustrate, according to the survey conducted by The Times of India, it was found out that there are 75% of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not lock their doors at night because they think that cameras are being installed in the locality. To conclude, I am firmly convinced by the view that the authorities should take measures to reduce crime but people should not take that facility for granted and they should
also
 become vigilant too.
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: