IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Our personalities are predefined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing can be done to change our character traits. To what extent do you agree?

#personalities #predefined #genes #change #character #traits
It is argued that
people
's personalities are reclarified thanks to their DNA codes before they are born, meanwhile, neither effect which comes
to
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from
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 outside can influence or alter
this
 thing.
Although
,
people
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people's
show examples
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
 cannot change, I strongly believe that
parents
 are the key factor
for
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in
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development
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the development
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 of character. On
one
 hand, there is a belief about personality
are
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is
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 influenced by our genes and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cannot be altered as
one
 is facing
public
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the public
show examples
 in
everyday
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every day
show examples
 and he/she understands
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how
people
close
Add a missing verb
are close
show examples
 to changing their personalities.
For instance
, in bilateral relations both sides strive to alter to
Correct article usage
the other
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other
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another
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 side,
however
, no
one
 gets the results
which
Correct word choice
that
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one
 wants.
Thus
,
people
 think characters
of
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apply
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people’s
Change noun form
people
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 are
results
Correct article usage
the results
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 of DNA codes.
On the other hand
, the most significant element for determining the individuals’ personalities is
as to
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apply
show examples
how
parents
 educate them because when a person
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
, he is like a white paper. His parent's pencils define the how
paper
Add an article
the paper
show examples
 will be at the end of the drawing.
For example
, a great many experts in
this
 field highlight that education in
first
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the first
show examples
 ten years is
more
Add an article
a more
the more
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 decisive factor in
people
's
trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
show examples
.
Moreover
, in
this
 case, Meltem Çelik, which is
one
 of the famous pedagogues in Turkey, resembles
parents
 to
sculptor
Fix the agreement mistake
sculptors
show examples
 and children to
sculpture
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sculpt
show examples
.
Therefore
,
parents
 have a big role in the improvement of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
show examples
. In conclusion, whether personality is an inborn gift, or it can be affected by outside remains
controversial
Correct article usage
a controversial
show examples
 issue. I completely agree
with
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apply
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that individuals
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that individual
those individuals
show examples
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 young ages (0-10) can be shaped by their
parents
.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

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