IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The world today is a safer place and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #governments #amounts #money #forces
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
National security is one of the important aspects for any nation to secure its borders from terror organizations and illegal immigration. Today most people believe that the world is now a secure place and there is harmony between various bordering as well as non-bordering countries, so there is no need to reinforce the military forces. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss why I do not totally agree with
this
 idea and why there is a need for armed personnel. In the present world, due to advanced,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
globalization it appears that we humans are now compatible with various cultures and ethnicities so there is no need for border forces. Despite
this
, I will say that every nation should have the necessary armed personnel and weapons so that they are in a good position to defend themselves from incursions. As it becomes very easy for people to move from one continent to another via various means of transportation there is still a risk of illegal terror incursions into the country's borders that may lead to fatal live taking attacks.
For instance
, 9/11, 26/11, and various other attacks result in the loss of human lives. Other than that, there may be bordering conflicts between neighbouring states, to tackle
such
 situations it is obligatory for any government to spend money for the reinforcement of the security forces. The recent example of the Russia and Ukraine war tells us why there is need is
such
 a need to strengthen national security.
On the other hand
, if we look from the perspective of the ones who believe that military expense should be ceased or minimized, I think
this
 is due to the fact that nowadays most countries possess nuclear weapons that are a big threat to humankind and may lead to mass destruction. To conclude, I want to say that careful budgets need to be drafted for the military, so that peace can be maintained within the country,
furthermore
, there is
also
 a need to find ways to settle disputes on political levels so that there is no need to wage a war.
Submitted by abdulalishan123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diplomatic relations
  • geopolitical balance
  • national security
  • deterrent
  • military readiness
  • armed forces
  • disarmament
  • vulnerability
  • reallocation of resources
  • technological advancements
  • cyber security
  • intelligence
  • counter-terrorism
  • global power dynamics
  • utilitarian perspective
  • humanitarian needs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: