IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In recent years, a large number of citizens with health issues are trying new
medicines
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 and
treatments
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instead
Linking Words
 of seeking help from their usual doctor. I personally think that
this
Linking Words
 could be a negative development because trying new
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 may be harmful to our health, and it is possible to encounter some type of scam. Trying new
medicines
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 and
treatments
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 may lead to side effects that are harmful to our bodies.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because we are unfamiliar with the ingredients that are contained in the medicine.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are no recommendations from an expert on whether to take the medicine or not. A recent study in China shows that 67% percent of Chinese citizens got unwanted diseases after attempting to consume unfamiliar
medicines
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.
For example
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, a student in Guangzhou experienced low-level symptoms of blindness after trying a new eyedrop medicine that was supposed to reduce eye redness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
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 is why it is best to visit usual doctors, because doctors hold medical records
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and are already familiar with the patient’s symptoms. Another crucial issue is the probability of experiencing a type of scam when ordering alternative
medicines
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 or
treatments
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. One of the most vulnerable groups to these types of scams is elderly people.
This
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 is because they are most likely to believe any sort of information they see on their screens.
For example
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, an unknown company from China promotes their newest healing carpet made with nanotechnology to prevent scoliosis. The worst part is, they tend to charge a huge amount of money for the product and shipping costs. In conclusion, I strongly believe that trying new
medicines
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 or
treatments
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 may lead to negative developments. The reason for
this
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 is that alternative healing products or
medicines
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 could be harmful to our bodies, and there is a possibility of experiencing fraud or scams.

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task response
Show both sides of the topic. Give a small view that we have and we do not have the view, then state your own view clearly in the end.
task response
Use many real facts or strong examples. Be careful with facts and avoid wrong data.
coherence
Link the ideas in each paragraph with clear and few ideas in each line.
language
Use the same term for an idea so there is no mix up.
accuracy
Check grammar and small mistakes. Fix words like percent percent, and run on of a sentence.
task response
The writer gives a clear view that this is a bad move.
structure
The essay has three parts: intro, body, end.
coherence
The use of like words (and, too) helps flow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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