IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The increasing number of adults who are living with their
parents
Use synonyms
 after graduation or being occupied is raising a debate about the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 issue.
Although
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 it may result in a lack of independence, I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. From a social perspective, some argue that living with
parents
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 might lead to raising an individual who can not make decisions and act in important situations independently.
While
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 I firmly disagree with
this
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 statement, it should be mentioned that
parents
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' role in children's lives is not limited to their childhood. The family is an individual's first and most effective corporation. An adult who is dealing with several workforce or social problems could benefit from their
parents
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' support and experiences to make better decisions and tackle those problems.
For instance
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, discussing a disagreement that has happened at work with
parents
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 could help them to revise the discussion from another perspective and decrease the tension that they bear. Eventually, they are the ones who make the decisions independently.
Thus
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,
parents
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' presence in their lives will result in an advantage for their professional and social progress. From an economic point of view, the newly graduated or occupied person is dealing with economic concerns, and living in their own house will provide them an opportunity to make savings or investments.
Additionally
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, the retirement salary may not be enough to pay household expenses.
As a result
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, living together will increase the household's total revenue and mitigate the families' financial concerns. In conclusion, I firmly believe that living with
parents
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 after graduation or finding a job has both financial benefits for
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and facilitates the working or studying process for adults
overall
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, it outweighs the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more distinct separation between your main points in the body paragraphs, possibly with clearer topic sentences to improve the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
While you have presented some good points, elaborating on them further or including more specific examples could strengthen your argument and provide more depth.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate both sides of the argument more explicitly to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, as this will enhance your task response.
task achievement
Your introductory statement presents a clear overview of the topic, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
task achievement
You have articulated your opinion clearly, showing a strong stance on the issue at hand, which is essential in persuasive writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transitional phase
  • emotional support
  • redirected towards
  • foster stronger family bonds
  • guidance and advice
  • professional and personal issues
  • crowded living conditions
  • lack of privacy
  • potential friction
  • development of essential life skills
  • cultural stigma
  • societal pressure
  • sense of failure
  • self-esteem
  • autonomy
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