Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrities

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Healthcare and education are essential sectors of society. Some people believe that doctors, nurses, and teachers must be on a higher salary scale than renowned people in the entertainment and sports

fields

. It agreed with the argument and

this

essay will discuss it in detail and provide relevant evidence.

Firstly

, there is no argument that the healthcare professional's and school-master contribution to society is higher than the stars of entertainment and sport.

Moreover

, the officers in hospitals work harder than the other employees because they deal with

Correct article usage

the

show examples

life of a human being.

And

Correct word choice

Also

show examples

also

, the crew are the key factor in successful education which is the backbone of the future of a country.

Accordingly

, they should be

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

paid more

according to

the consideration of the amount of contribution to the community.

On the other hand

, the healthcare and schooling systems should be full of consist with well educated, active and broad-minded professionals in order to get a high-quality output. But if these professions get paid less the younger generation with proper education, and other qualifications may tend to join other highly paid

fields

and the nature of these

fields

may decrease.

For example

, if there is a school that consists of a lot of teachers who are less qualified, narrow-minded and less active how do we expect a quality output?

Moreover

, if

this

will happen

Wrong verb form

happens

show examples

in the whole sector what will happen to the future generation of a country?

Therefore

, It is mandatory to maintain a high standard for the employees in those

fields

with a higher salary scale.

To conclude

, doctors, nurses, and teachers must

be received

Wrong verb form

receive

show examples

higher salaries than leisure and sports stars because their role in any community is highly demanded. And

also

, it is required to keep a high standard to take out quality output.

Submitted by jds.sampath on Sun Dec 11 2022

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task achievement

Ensure that all the points tying back to the main thesis. Supporting arguments need to directly address the task at hand and stay on topic.

coherence cohesion

Logic and structure are well presented, but make sure to avoid lengthy sentences which may lead to confusion or redundancy.

lexical resource

Good use of vocabulary, expressions, and phrases. Try to vary your word choice to avoid repetitiveness.

grammatical range

There needs to be a wider range of grammatical structures as well as an improvement in sentence construction. Higher-level structures are sporadic and need to be implemented with greater accuracy. Proofread to ensure there are no careless grammar or punctuation mistakes.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential
well-being
education
training
dedication
entertain
inspire
significant
exorbitant
attract
talented
professions
improve
overall
quality
healthcare
priority
development
citizens

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Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children today spend too much time on electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education.