IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
There is a tendency that the young
population
 increases in many countries with a large
number
 of young
adults
 when that of older ones is lower. While there are some admittedly drawbacks, I strongly believe that its positive influences are more significant. On the one hand, the
population
 of a
country
 with a larger
number
 of young
adults
 is problematic in some aspects.
First
 of all, in a natural way, the birth rate of a
country
 is proportional to the
number
 of young
adults
 living in a
country
 because of the high rate of marriage.
This
 may result in the hot issue of the booming
population
 which is one of the most current conscious problems. Along with that, the government has to make more effort and invest a high budget to address many human needs
such
 as education, health care, employment issues,etc.
Besides
, the amount of non-alternative resources will run out in the future when the demand is relatively higher than the supply.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that the aforementioned disadvantages pale in comparison with the significant advantages below.
Firstly
, the large
number
 of young
adults
 is an important factor for a
country
 to develop its economy.
In particular
, with the normal trend of economic development, technology takes a crucial role, so young
adults
 are the abundant labour workforce who are proactive and ready to absorb scientific and technological improvements.
Thus
, many conventional sectors are stimulated to develop far
further
 in a modern way, which contributes to the national gross earnings.
Moreover
, when the needs of residents are considerably increased over the available resources, young
adults
 can depend on applications of modern knowledge to create alternative resources to satisfy their needs.
Furthermore
, the consuming markets of the world are widening because of the high demand of the young
population
 in many countries. In conclusion,
although
 there are many reasonable negative effects of a young
population
country
, the convincing advantages of
this
 situation are more prominent.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: