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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Education
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 continues to be a controversial topic in the world of
work
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. Some individuals believe that acquiring a good job can be warranted by first completing a
university
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education
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.
Whereas
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, others think that going straight to
work
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 and obtaining experience is better. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will consider now. On the one hand, obtaining a degree will drive you to have a good job since the
education
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 process in the
university
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 is equipped with deep comprehension of knowledge developing students’ thinking;
therefore
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, it will make their brains more mature.
In addition
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, if they have broader knowledge, it will help them to understand quickly when jumping into the world of
work
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.
Furthermore
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, the following academic activity in
university
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 can increase their soft-skill to be more character-driven, needed when they deal with
people
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 at
work
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. It is notable,
for example
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, that many successful leaders are
university
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 graduates.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 feel that
instead
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 of wasting time to get advanced
education
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, working directly would be better to get experience.
Additionally
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, jumping to
work
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 immediately allows individuals to have better hard skills, because they have more working hours;
thus
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, these skills will make them
work
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 effectively and efficiently.
For instance
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, nowadays, many workers, vocational high school graduates, can solve many obstacles in the workplace that a
university
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 graduate may not be able to solve easily.
To conclude
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, in my opinion,
people
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 should keep in mind that a
university
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 diploma can help them secure a better job because the positive impact provided by tertiary
education
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 can equip someone with both hard and soft skills to get ready to prepare for something new in the world of
work
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. Nowadays, the company will pay more attention to
people
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 having a degree from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
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 diploma
such
Linking Words
 as a bachelor's or master's degree.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in illustrating your points more effectively and demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic. Additionally, ensure that all parts of the task are addressed equally to maintain a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider aligning your paragraphs more closely with your main arguments. This can be done by using clear topic sentences and logical connectors to ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next, enhancing readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument clearly, which is essential for a high task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, providing a clear introduction to the topic and summarizing the discussion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
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