IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #university #guarantee #job #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
 continues to be a controversial topic in the world of
work
Use synonyms
. Some individuals believe that acquiring a good job can be warranted by first completing a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others think that going straight to
work
Use synonyms
 and obtaining experience is better. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will consider now. On the one hand, obtaining a degree will drive you to have a good job since the
education
Use synonyms
 process in the
university
Use synonyms
 is equipped with deep comprehension of knowledge developing students’ thinking;
therefore
Linking Words
, it will make their brains more mature.
In addition
Linking Words
, if they have broader knowledge, it will help them to understand quickly when jumping into the world of
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the following academic activity in
university
Use synonyms
 can increase their soft-skill to be more character-driven, needed when they deal with
people
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
. It is notable,
for example
Linking Words
, that many successful leaders are
university
Use synonyms
 graduates.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting time to get advanced
education
Use synonyms
, working directly would be better to get experience.
Additionally
Linking Words
, jumping to
work
Use synonyms
 immediately allows individuals to have better hard skills, because they have more working hours;
thus
Linking Words
, these skills will make them
work
Use synonyms
 effectively and efficiently.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, many workers, vocational high school graduates, can solve many obstacles in the workplace that a
university
Use synonyms
 graduate may not be able to solve easily.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should keep in mind that a
university
Use synonyms
 diploma can help them secure a better job because the positive impact provided by tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 can equip someone with both hard and soft skills to get ready to prepare for something new in the world of
work
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, the company will pay more attention to
people
Use synonyms
 having a degree from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 diploma
such
Linking Words
 as a bachelor's or master's degree.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in illustrating your points more effectively and demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic. Additionally, ensure that all parts of the task are addressed equally to maintain a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider aligning your paragraphs more closely with your main arguments. This can be done by using clear topic sentences and logical connectors to ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next, enhancing readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument clearly, which is essential for a high task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, providing a clear introduction to the topic and summarizing the discussion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: