IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

#children #language #school #support #position
A number of people believe that they should live their lives doing the same thing every day with no developments.
However
, other populations think that change is better. I agree with the second opinion, as I cannot live a boring lifestyle.
This
 essay will discuss both points. 
Firstly
, the people who prefer to continue alive without any advance are mostly lazy personalities, and they are not willing to make any effort
in improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their quality of daily
life
 or even themselves.
For example
, I saw several people spend their time sleeping or playing on mobile phones for whole nights, avoiding all kinds of activities and progression, which is why they remained at the same level of knowledge and experience.
In contrast
, the individuals who believe in diversity are more successful than the other group.
In addition
, most of them live a
life
 full of challenge and excitement at the same time, since they are doing something new every day and always seeking the best for themselves and their children.
However
, the other group survived without any updates or new news.
As a result
, they may develop various mental illnesses
due to
 the boring routine. The difference between the two groups is extremely noticeable. If the population starts to get out of its comfort zone, the community will see huge development and advancement;
therefore
,
this
 will be reflected in the society’s culture.   
To conclude
, I am with the population that wants to change the pattern of their world since they are more successful and healthier than others. 
Furthermore
, maintaining a good attitude and personality
along with
 living a challenging
life
 is better than living a
life
 with no taste.
Submitted by zainabalabed on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt, but the argument lacks depth and specific examples related to the topic. Additionally, the conclusion needs to be expanded to summarize the main points in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is somewhat clear, but the overall organization could be improved for better coherence. The essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion, which affects the overall flow of the argument. Additionally, the essay would benefit from more cohesive transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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