IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #people #parents #time #work #children
It is believed that these days many parents spent more time at work than their children, and the result is social problems among youth increase. I disagree with
this
 statement, analyzing the bad influences of the environment and the negative impacts of technology will prove
this
.
Firstly
,
although
 attention from parents is one of the most important things that shape our children's behaviour, the surroundings can give bad influences that can lead to social issues among juveniles.
For instance
, many youths from poor environments in Indonesia commit crimes
such
 as robbery because their friends in their surroundings do the same in order to survive.
Therefore
, it can be clearly seen that friends and people in the surrounding can drive minors to commit a crime.
Secondly
, many youths were exposed to bad influences from technology.
For example
, many juveniles can easily access porn websites on the internet, which leads them to commit sexual harassment.
Furthermore
, on the deep web using
TOR
Correct article usage
the TOR
show examples
 browser, minors can easily find and buy drugs. These kinds of internet websites can give bad effects on juveniles and can increase social issues among youngsters. The internet is one of the sources of increasing social issues among youth. In conclusion, lack of parental attention is not solely the cause of increasing social problems in teenagers.
However
, the surroundings and technology can give a bad impact on teenagers. it is clear that the statement of an increase in social problems involving youngsters because parents spend more time at work and less with their children can not be supported.
Submitted by dzackyhabibi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: