IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#company #money #support #arts #environment
Nowadays more and more
companies
 provide financial arts than
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 in any way
environment
Add a comma
,environment
show examples
 you slice it. I will put my thoughts into words in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 most people always finance art to develop our show business. Nobody would dispute the fact that it is more suitable for us to benefit from art but there are no benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 we fund for
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
 in order to breathe
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fresh air.
However
 main roads, car engines and other problems in the streets had to some issues. So that it is more reasonable for us to sponsor art for investing
Change preposition
in another
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another company
other companies
show examples
companies
 .
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand I assume that we should pay attention to the
environment
 to survive and store
another creatures
Replace the adjective
another creature
other creatures
show examples
 in our nature. If we had intended to the surroundings, our nature would not be in so much trouble now. We should protect our nature and
environment
 for gaining
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 atmosphere and eating nourishing foods.
Companies
 will be in a satisfactory situation if they show affection towards
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 many firms selected arts to take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
companies
 should support
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 to dwell in acceptable
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Submitted by ilkhomjon.uralov97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • renewable energy
  • conservation
  • Green jobs
  • innovation
  • cultural enrichment
  • brand differentiation
  • public health
  • climate change
  • societal impact
  • operational costs
  • community engagement
  • habitat preservation
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: