IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In an era of globalization, some people think that studying abroad is the best way to attain a well-paid job while others believe other options are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#era #globalization #people #job #options
Nowadays , some individuals believe that studying abroad can obtain an attractive pay package ,
however
 , others claim that it is not the only option . In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both points and
then
finally
 I will present my own opinion. On the one hand , many proponents say that if someone goes abroad and learns from well-respected educational institutions , he or she can obtain a well-paid job easily in their respective fields after they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
 their education. Obviously , a large number of employers will impress and admire if their potential candidates are from the world's top-ranking universities.
In addition
 , they can
also
 expect industry-ready employees for their businesses because most well-known universities are updating their course contents day by day .
As a result
 , many candidates from some famous universities
such
 as Oxford, Harvard and Tokyo , obtain job offers with attractive packages after finishing their degree.
On the other hand
 , other opponents believe that they can
also
 receive a high salary even though they do not have a degree from a foreign university. Absolutely , increasing numbers of employers are looking for candidates who have excellent skills and talents rather than their educational background.
Moreover
,
due to
 the effectiveness of the internet , people who are looking for a job can learn and fill everything
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 for their careers. Apart from that , they can
also
 deliver their services
while
 doing freelance jobs.
Consequently
 , they can receive tons of money not only from small businesses but
also
 from giant companies like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and Google .
To conclude
 , studying abroad is not the only option to get a better earnings package these days. In my mind, upgrading ourselves is the key to getting competitive wages jobs .Unless we do not have the capabilities to maintain our qualities , we cannot expect high salary offers.
Submitted by waiphyothu007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced discussion by presenting equal evidence for both points of view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow and connection between ideas in each paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: