IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiding what to atextent do you agree or disagree

There is no denying the fact that working hard is a great way to make your dreams come true.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that high positions in companies should be given to the
people
Use synonyms
 working inside the
company
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that a promotion should be given to
people
Use synonyms
 based on their achievements, regardless of whether it is inside or outside the
company
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.
To begin
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 with, hard-working
people
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 deserve a promotion.
In other words
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, many individuals do not get the chance to work at their dream
company
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, but through dedication and effort, they can still reach high positions.
In addition
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, promotions should be based on effort and talent, not just on whether the person is already inside the
company
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 or not.
For instance
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, someone who starts as a cashier in a local
company
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 might become a manager or even a CEO if they consistently prove their skills and leadership. Another point to consider is that sometimes the
company
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 needs different experiences and ideas. It is
also
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 possible to say that hiring someone from outside can help
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 problems that current workers cannot solve.
Moreover
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, it can help them by bringing new strategies from previous companies, and can make the
company
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 work improve faster.
For example
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, knowing the risks can prevent meaningless efforts, time, and money. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I strongly believe that promotions should be given to
people
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 who really deserve it, whether they are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
company
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 workers or from outside.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your main point in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas in a clearer way. Use more linking words to connect your points better.
task response
You provide good reasons for your opinion and support them with examples.
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