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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to encourage young people to develop other hobbies?

#favourite #pastime #people #hobbies
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In
this
 current era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of youth prefer spending their free
time
 shopping.
This
 essay will explain the motives and
also
 find some measures to motivate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
get
Add the particle
to get
show examples
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in other activities. There are several causes why the youths prefer spending
time
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shopping.
Firstly
, because of the consumerism era,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
encourages individuals to purchase things,
although
 they do not really need them.
As a result
, the youths, who are immature and fueled by the desire to have the latest trends,spend their money on malls.
Moreover
,owing to the stressful work, the shopping habit is perceived as a method to unwind the daily stress.it is undoubtedly, that walking around in the malls, a person forgets about his own problems. Some steps should be taken to
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 change
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 perspectives towards spending
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping.
to begin
 with, the government should allocate more funds
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing entertainment centres
such
 as
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
,
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
,
art
Correct word choice
and art
show examples
galarie
Correct your spelling
galleries
. If whose would be free the youngsters would spend more
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visiting them.
For example
, once a year in
romania
Change the capitalization
Romania
show examples
 we have the opening
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 night, and the queue
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 full of youth, who are excited.
In addition
,
although
 it may upset the companies, can implement a law, which closes the shops at 5pm,
thus
 the youngsters could spend more
time
 doing outdoor activities. To conclude, there should be more
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
show examples
 from the
authories
Correct your spelling
authorities
 regarding the younger generation and
also
 the youth should try to change their spending on free
time
 activity
Submitted by dr.lurabraga on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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