IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Weather countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#weather #countries #refugees #assistance #food
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Human being has basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as clothes, food, and
house
Correct article usage
a house
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. It has been argued that the countries should help more refugees
for
Change preposition
with
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 primary assistance like
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 and
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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.
In
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From
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 my perspective, It is normal for the government in
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
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 to assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreigners who need help, but I tend to disagree because of some reasons that I will elaborate
more
Change preposition
on more
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, living as a human in the world means living as a social being who can not stand alone without other support, so helping each other is
moral
Correct article usage
a moral
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 value. Someone can bear the hardship on some occasions but find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
next
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 time, so when
people
Use synonyms
 reach out
Change preposition
to other's
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other's
Fix the agreement mistake
others'
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 suffering, they are helped out on
other day
Change the wording
another day
other days
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the nations only have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
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 to supply their citizens, so they should settle their
people
Use synonyms
's primary needs. Country revenue should be allocated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some factors
such
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 as health, education, infrastructure, public facility and others, but the government should have more income to help the strangers.
Furthermore
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, If the country allows foreigners to stay freely and facilitate their basic needs, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 will rise drastically.
This
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 circumstance leads to crowded land which makes the native
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not comfortable in their own land.
In addition
Linking Words
,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 number of refugees causes a messy control system which induces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high crime incidents.
The illegal
Correct article usage
Illegal
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 foreigner can not be detected by the police because their identities are not recorded in the national system, so they violate
law
Correct article usage
the law
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 repeatedly. In conclusion, helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refugees from foreign countries can be done when the government can guarantee their life necessities, safety, and convenience.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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