IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Weather countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#weather #countries #refugees #assistance #food
Human being has basic needs
such
 as clothes, food, and
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
. It has been argued that the countries should help more refugees
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 primary assistance like
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 and
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, It is normal for the government in
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 to assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners who need help, but I tend to disagree because of some reasons that I will elaborate
more
Change preposition
on more
show examples
 in
this
 essay. On the one hand, living as a human in the world means living as a social being who can not stand alone without other support, so helping each other is
moral
Correct article usage
a moral
show examples
 value. Someone can bear the hardship on some occasions but find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
next
 time, so when
people
 reach out
Change preposition
to other's
show examples
other's
Fix the agreement mistake
others'
show examples
 suffering, they are helped out on
other day
Change the wording
another day
other days
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the nations only have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to supply their citizens, so they should settle their
people
's primary needs. Country revenue should be allocated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some factors
such
 as health, education, infrastructure, public facility and others, but the government should have more income to help the strangers.
Furthermore
, If the country allows foreigners to stay freely and facilitate their basic needs, the number of
people
 will rise drastically.
This
 circumstance leads to crowded land which makes the native
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not comfortable in their own land.
In addition
,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 number of refugees causes a messy control system which induces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high crime incidents.
The illegal
Correct article usage
Illegal
show examples
 foreigner can not be detected by the police because their identities are not recorded in the national system, so they violate
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 repeatedly. In conclusion, helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refugees from foreign countries can be done when the government can guarantee their life necessities, safety, and convenience.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: