IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Some people think that
teenagers
 should do
community
 work which is unpaid in their free time
that is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to give the
community
 some benefits.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,
show examples
the
teenagers
 will obtain many experiences in communication with others and doing new things.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
teenagers
 need to know how to communicate with others in the best way and how to do many things.
Firstly
, when some
teenagers
 volunteer to clear
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
, streets or beaches, they will feel happy.
Therefore
, they will clean their rooms to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
happiness.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
show examples
, many
teenagers
 should do basic work without
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
money
 to can be independent in the future.
For example
, when some
teenagers
 cook at a restaurant, they will obtain many information of
cooking
Change preposition
about cooking
show examples
that is
 good for them in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 days.
Finally
,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 many people want
money
 to work, but when
teenagers
 do not get any
money
 for their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
normally
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do something unpaid. On another hand, the
community
 receives benefits as well from unpaid
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, so people and
teenagers
 who have free time have to do something for their
community
 to improve the pleasure between others.
Furthermore
, unpaid
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the relationship in the
community
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
rise
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the cooperation and the improvement in their life. In conclusion, there are many opinions about unpaid
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 by
teenagers
 who have free time, but in my opinion, I
concert
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 with working without
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
 since it is important to improve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 living.
Submitted by hassan.alalia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: