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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
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Experts throughout the developed and developing world have debated
that
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apply
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whether
music
 is essential to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 or merely just a way to
entertaining
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
.
This
 essay will analyse both parts, using examples from the UK government and Oxford university to demonstrate points. I personally advocated the view that
music
 is important due to its contribution
in
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to
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 providing
better
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a better
the better
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 living environment and social economy. On the one hand, some advocates regard
music
 as
a
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having a
show examples
vital role in the public for multiple reasons. One of
the
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apply
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them is that playing
music
 in public areas leaves individuals with
better
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a better
show examples
 experience. In modern
society
, it is common that some songs or pure
music
 are played in areas
such
 as parks, restaurants or shopping malls while people can be exposed themselves to these
relax
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relaxed
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 and wonderful
tune
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tunes
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 and
sound
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sounds
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 when they are walking, eating or buying goods.
Such
 exposure would brighten their moods and in turn, help members
in
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of
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society
to
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apply
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achieve
the
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apply
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overall well-being. Another contributor is
music
 can bring about economic
benefit
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benefits
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 to
society
. Through a variety of commercialised activities including selling CD records or admission fees for concerts and
music
 live shows, the
musical
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music
show examples
 industry can generate revenue of over 10 billion dollars each year in
UK
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the UK
show examples
, according to
the
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apply
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recent research by the local government.
On the other hand
, others who believe
music
 is merely just a form of
entertaining
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entertainment
show examples
 might provide the following argument. Compared to other social
conponents
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components
such
 as
medical
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the medical
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 system or education, it seems that
music
 is not a necessity for individuals but only for them to amuse or spend leisure time, just like other ways to
amusement
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amuse
show examples
.
For example
,
emperical
Correct your spelling
empirical
 studies by Oxford university
shows
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show
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 that the majority of people investigated states that listening to songs is totally the same as playing computer games, watching movies and TV series and they would only do these things when getting bored.
Therefore
, it seems that
music
 is just a way for people to have some fun and nothing else. In conclusion,
although
music
 is not
an
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a
show examples
 basic need
for
Change preposition
in
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 humans' lives, I am of the opinion that it is crucial to
society
.
That is
 because the values of improving living quality and boosting
economy
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the economy
show examples
 behind
music
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the music
show examples
 are often overlooked, but generally, these would be of great value to the public.
Submitted by hbljy123 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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